"Network" movie review (as requested).

Even though I saw this movie a few months ago, the current news climate makes this post more than topical. In the past week or two, all we've been hearing about is Julian Assange and his ragtag group of whistle blowers over at WikiLeaks. In case you've been living under a rock or are a member of the ignorant masses that say "THE NEWS IS BORING AND NOT RELEVANT TO MY LIFE" (aka most people I know), WikiLeaks has released thousands and thousands of classified U.S. diplomatic cables. Some of the information contained in these documents is quite shocking and even unbelievable (for example, the U.S. has been monitoring Canadian television for years for "Anti-American" jokes and content). Assange has effectively become the most wanted man in the world, and many in the U.S. are calling for blood. I said it in my last blog, but Network's message is even more relevant now than it was in the seventies.

Network is about an aging "big network" newscaster named Howard Beale who used to be loved by millions, but has gradually lost more and more viewers over the years. Because of this, he does the nightly newscast on a crappy, sensationalist network called UBS. This film was made in 1976, when the only national networks were CBS, NBC and ABC. Think of UBS as Fox when it started out-titillating shows that "push the limits" and controversy for the sake of controversy. Anyway, the execs at UBS decide that they've had enough of Beale's declining ratings and decide to remove him from the airwaves. Beale has a breakdown, and begins using a multitude of expletives on his program one night. The producers at UBS are shocked, but it gets higher ratings! They decide to give Beale another chance, and he delivers the tirade you see in the blog post before this one.

Viewers like what Beale has to say. He is declared "The Mad Prophet of the Airwaves" and is given a slot back on UBS delivering speeches discussing what a sham the world is. He gets ahold of a communique between the U.S. and the Middle East and gives the dirty details of it on his nightly program., and the powers that be decide that Beale must be stopped. SOUND FAMILIAR?

The movie also has a subplot about Beale's friend Max Schumacher and his deteriorating home life, which is superbly examined. I could go on and describe more of the plot, but that leaves no fun for you, does it? It's time for me to get all analytical.

The film touches upon every trend that is effecting America, and the world, right now. The film delivers a long monologue about Globalism before Globalism was even an academic buzzword. This blew my mind- at the end of the film, a character declares:


         "You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no Third Worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems. One vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multi-varied, multi-national dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rands, rubles, pounds and shekels"


Wow. That line gave me chills when I heard it. In 1976, I'm sure that people thought "What?!", but the movie is WAAAY ahead of it's time. The writers and director saw the way the world was going. They observed the trends. They came to a conclusion that turned out to be 100% correct.


Network also predicted the current face of television. As Beale's ratings grow, UBS determines that what people want is to be shocked, to be offended and above all- to be constantly entertained. The network begins airing programming that is extremely similar to the "reality" programming of today. News media on the network begin using scare tactics and report sex crimes and horrifying murders on a nightly basis. Again, SOUND FAMILIAR?


Network is expertly written and every actor gives the performance of a lifetime. It includes many of the greats of the era: Faye Dunnaway, Robert Duvall, Peter Finch- true masters at their craft. The speech in my blog post below is just one of a myriad of monologues that will have you going "PREACH IT!".


I can not heap enough praise on this movie. If you're a person that is cynical of the current trends in this world or a thinking person at all, see it immediately. 

This is how I feel some days.....

The name of the movie this is from is "Network". I recommend that EVERYONE sees it- even though it was made in the 70's, it is eerily prophetic of the economic and social crises of the present.

Where has Christopher Lloyd been lately?

ATTENTION WORLD: Your movies need more Christopher Lloyd in them. Seriously, where has this guy been lately? If there's anything we need in these dark, uncertain times, it's a lovable, neurotic character actor. I remember when every movie I turned on had Christopher Lloyd in it! Back to the Future! Angels in the Outfield! One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest! I took a cursory look over at IMDB.com, and I guess he's actually still doing stuff, though I've never heard of any of it.   Apparently he's on Chuck, a show I never watch. Maybe I never watched it because no one told me that Christopher Lloyd was in it. Believe me, people have tried to get me to watch that show. "You'll love it! It's a wacky spy thriller with a nerdy main character! It's hilarious!" BORING.

All you had to say was: "It's a show with Christopher Lloyd as a recurring character" DONE.

Scratch that, turns out he's only in one episode. NO DEAL, CHUCK.

It looks like all he's been doing throughout the 2000's is "guest star" roles on T.V. I say the world is giving Christopher Lloyd a raw deal. Where's my hilarious children's oriented movie with Christopher Lloyd in an eccentric role, Hollywood?!  I mean, few actors will ever measure up to the stellar performance Lloyd gave humanity as the kidnapper in Dennis the Menace. 


I don't think I need to say anymore about this. I think I'll leave you with some Christopher Lloyd pictures that speak more for this fine actor than I ever will be able to.

Sufjan Stevens Concert Review

                               

In my last post I lamented about how I have been sliding into a musical recession per se. Well, it seems like the powers that be in the musical realm looked upon my loss of faith and delivered a veritable pillar of fire for me yesterday.

My wife and I met my parents and aunt and uncle downtown for the event of my uncle and I's birthday. It was a low key but excellent night- we went to a delicious Asian-fusion restaurant and then took a walk downtown. My mother and aunt lead us towards the Chicago theatre, and wouldn't you know it, Sufjan Stevens was playing! As we walked through the throngs of thin hooded, bearded, bespectacled hipsters, I said out loud "Man, it would be awesome to go to that show!"

My mother than responded by saying "We're going" and whipped out tickets for all of us. SURPRISE OF THE CENTURY. It turns out my aunt and her had been planning this event for my uncle and I for nigh on two months, and I had absolutely no idea. With twenty minutes till show time, and with me erupting in 8 year old Christmas morning glee, we rushed into the theatre and found our seats.

The show started with a good, but ultimately forgettable acoustic-guitar-and-guy opener who sung about repressed childhood experiences and spoke in metaphors. He played for about twenty minutes, and then the main event arrived. Sufjan Stevens started off the show with the apocalyptic Seven Swans- and let me tell you, you haven't heard it until you've heard it live. The album version of the song is excellent, but the live version included much of the instrumental accompaniment that has become a trademark of Stevens' work since his beloved Illinoise album. My family and I were immediately blown away.

Stevens presented as a remarkably likable stage persona. I have been listening to him for years and have always thought his music was excellent, but expected that he would be an arrogant and self-obsessed indie diva- after all, he is one of the standard-bearers of the independent scene. He was surprisingly open and explained how he had struggled with song writing for the past year. His voice was also surprisingly normal- I expected it to be high and more effeminate-much like his singing voice- but he came across as a relatable
person.

Most of the songs Stevens played were from his brand-new The Age of Adz album. For those who haven't heard it, Adz is extremely different than anything Steven's has done before- it's mostly electronic and has a lot of white noise and synthetic sounds. Those who love Steven's for his more folkish stuff might be immediately turned off by the album. As Stevens played, he was accompanied by abstract, psychedelic images and vivid light shows. It was truly a spectacle to behold.

Stevens was kind enough to explain much of his inspiration for his new songs throughout the night. He told us that alot of inspiration came from the works of Royal Robertson, an "outsider artist"  with paranoid schizophrenia who was once happily married and had a large family, but drove his family away due to his extreme delusions (aliens, apocalyptic prophecy, accusations of unfaithfulness towards his spouse). Robertson's painting included a lot of violence, spaceships, and Biblical end-time imagery. Looking at the songs from this perspective, you could see a lot of tragic beauty in the songs Stevens played throughout the night.

I will be honest- at first I was a little turned off by Steven's new music. I hadn't picked up his new album yet, so most of the songs he played were entirely new. Stevens seemed to empathize with the audience, and even said "I'm up here playing all this weird electronic stuff and you guys are thinking "Where's the banjo?!". I have his new album now, and after seeing him live and hearing him explain much of the inspiration behind it, I can truly say it is a masterwork. Stevens does so many new things with the album and still retains the excellent lyrics he's know for.

Of course, Stevens played all the classics after the obligatory audience encore. I got to see him play Chicago at the Chicago Theatre in Chicago, Illinois. I couldn't believe that happened. He also played my all-time favorite Stevens song, Casimir Pulaski Day and it more beautiful and sad live than it is on the album. He closed the show on an ominous note with John Wayne Gacy, Jr. which was a great way to go out as it retained the theme of the tortured individual as artist that Stevens conveyed throughout the show.

All in all, bravo Mr. Stevens, bravo! You are truly an excellent artist and I look forward to hearing your music as the years go on. I will definitely see Stevens in concert again if I ever get the chance.

Here are few more pictures I took throughout the night, and I'm working on uploading some video footage now, so if you read this blog and no videos are up they should be here shortly.

                                      

My Music Mid-Life Crisis

                                                                 

I espoused when I started this blog that it was to be a platform of discussion for all types of media, including music. If you've noticed though, I've hardly dedicated any space to raving about an artist, tearing a musician down to the molecular level, or telling you what bands I think suck and how you're dumb for listening to them. No, my blog has been the stuff of movies, videogames, and internet sites- there has been hardly any mention of anything of musical merit. It's simply criminal.

Today, as I was sitting around listlessly, I opened up Itunes and realized that this was the first time I've opened up the program in weeks. I remember in the past, I tunes was constantly open on my desktop. There was no question that I would be listening to something-music played throughout the day, almost endlessly, and it accompanied almost every activity I did. I fervently downloaded new albums and listened to them until they made me sick, got new music from friends and constantly looked into new bands. As the college years continued and I got more busy, I started to listen to music less. Sure, it was there, but I just didn’t listen to it as much. Nowadays, I rarely listen to it. Sure, if there’s a song that’s in my head I’ll get on youtube and play it, but I don’t sit there and simply enjoy music like I used to. Somewhere along the way, I got lost.

I’ve never even discussed my favorite bands on my blog. What is wrong with me? The truth be told, I don’t even know what my favorite bands really are anymore. Sure, I could say The Beatles are #1, and I used to believe that like I believe that the Earth revolves around the sun, but now I’m not so sure.

I think I’m suffering from the after effects of too many options. In high school, before I really got into downloading music, buying an album was a big deal. There was a high degree of planning that went into getting the funds, finding a ride to Best Buy and getting the album you wanted. When I got that album, I listened to it on endless rotation. I knew every song, and I read the lyrics along with the music upon first listen. This is not the case with me at all anymore. The music acquisition process goes something like this:

-I hear a song on the radio or on a commercial that I think sounds good.

-I desperately try to remember two or three lines from the song so I can Google the lyrics and find the name of the song and who it’s by.

-I think “Hey, if this song is good, the rest of their stuff is good”

-I download their album, find all their songs boring but the one I originally liked, and eventually delete the album from my harddrive three years later.

Granted, this is quite a bleak view of how music goes with me. There have been plenty of albums I’ve downloaded and loved and couldn’t stop listening to. As time goes on though, there have been fewer and fewer albums that I fall in love with.

The last big band I had a love affair with was The Smiths that lasted from about January to March of this year. Yes, yes I know you’re all saying that I would pick The Smiths, but I just got hooked on all their music. I listened to all their albums on repeat almost everyday. Admittedly, this made my days seem rather gloomy, but they’re just an excellent band, both lyrically and technically. Another album I got into was Motion City Soundtrack’s newest album, My Dinosaur Life, which listened to until I felt like throwing up. Owl City’s newest album, Ocean’s Eyes, was also a big one on my playlist (I know that’s hard to believe because Owl City seems like a band I would hate like sin). Other than that, I can’t think of any albums I’ve loved.

My music tastes have changed over the years. In high school when I really got into music, I was big into bands like Jimmy Eat World and Motion City Soundtrack- kind of that alternative emo scene. In college, I got WAY into indie music- Sufjan Stevens, The Decemberists, Of Montreal and mewithoutyou were some of my oft listened to artists as I wrote countless papers. I also got into some of the classics- Dylan, The Cure, The Clash- mainly stuff that influenced indie music now. As time has gone, I’ve become disenchanted with a lot of indie music because I feel that a lot of it has no lyrical value. There’s only so much 19^th  century vernacular I can take.

And that brings me to now. I’m trying to figure out what to listen to. Throughout my musical journey, I’ve sampled every genre and found value in each- yes, even country (Ryan Adams being the only “country” like music I enjoy). But I’m just becoming bored- and isn’t that my generations curse? Were given options upon options for entertainment and after a while it becomes exhausting. What I really need is a good, trusted friend with a similar music taste to mine who can recommend me some great stuff. Don’t worry, I still keep up with most of the big bands and know what’s going on- I just feel I’ve lost my passion lately.

David Lynch

Hello, hello all. It's time for a good old fashioned discussion of one of the darlings of the people-who-think-they-know-everything-about-movies world: Mr. David Lynch.

Last night, as my wife and I were sitting around on a rather uneventful pre-Columbus day Sunday night, I had the bright idea to watch Mulholland Drive, a movie I've been meaning to get to since my high school years. High school was when I really started getting into film, and I remember that I started watching all the "trippy" movies first. You know the movies I'm talking about- the ones that the the weird movie kid always talked about- Donnie Darko, Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, Se7en- basically anything that was confusing, had a weird plot twist, or was one of those "OMG THERE'S TEN SEEMINGLY UNRELATED STORIES AND THEY'VE ALL TIED TOGETHER!" deals. I remember someone recommended that I see Mulholland Drive, and I always wanted to watch it, but just never did. It's a good thing I waited- I think my untrained Junior-in-high school mind would have exploded in a grey, stop motion mess that Lynch himself would be proud of.

I can honestly say that David Lynch movies are the only films that truly frighten me. Horror movies just don't freak me out- I went and saw Paranormal Activity on Halloween night last year, and I slept like a baby that night (except for the door opening and closing a million times in my room. What was with that?). But when I watched Blue Velvet, I couldn't get it out of my head. Blue Velvet was the first Lynch movie I ever saw, and I was totally unprepared for it. I had a burned copy of the movie that my friend had given me, and I popped it in to my dvd player on a hot June night at 1 in the morning as one of those "oh well, there's nothing else to do" activities. I was not prepared to meet one of the most evil characters I have ever seen in cinema: the terrifying Frank Booth, a psychopathic criminal whose frightening machinations cannot be described adequately without spoiling the movie.

Eraserhead, Lynch's first feature-film, is another one that left me unsettled and haunted. The plot of the film is extremely surreal, so you'll just have to watch it. Look forward to very strange images and an overall sense of dread while viewing the film. The entire setting of the movie takes place in a dystopian, decaying city, and it's filmed in black and white in a noir style. Again, I don't want to post pictures of any images from the movie, as it'll take away from its effect.

Mulholland Drive takes the cake though for that haunting, can't stop thinking about it quality that Lynch films induce in me. The plot, boiled down to it's simplest form, is this: A woman loses her memory and tries to retrace the series of the events with the help of a young actress. But it's much more than that- the entire film is non-linear, some plots are never resolved and has this strange, waking from a dream feeling as you watch it. The sense of suspense and uncertainty pervades throughout the whole film, which fills the viewer with fear. Even in traditional horror films, there is still the refuge the viewer has in the existing plot or conflict. Mulholland Drive keeps you guessing, and you begin to freak out realizing that Lynch is fooling you, constantly leaving you with questions that are never answered.

Enormous thesis length stuff has been written on David Lynch films, and this little blog post doesn't do him enough justice. If you like movies that make you think, or movies that make you make sure the fabric of the universe is collapsing in front of you, watch one of his works.

THIS BLOG NEEDS SAVING

Alright everybody, I am realizing this blog is starting to flatline. Every post I write (which if we keep going at the rate I'm at now, happens about once a month) starts off with the typical "Sorry I haven't updated!" line that you're tired of hearing. The thing is, I work in social services. For those who don't work in social services, this career field tends to drain the essence out of you until you become a grotesque and bitter husk of your former self. Don't get me wrong, I have watched plenty of movies lately, but I just have not had the energy at all to write on this blog. I think I need to set up some type of schedule where I write a least a post a week. Hold me to it everybody, a post a week! Actually, don't hold me to it. At any rate, I have not abandoned this blog. Hopefully once I get used to the madcap hectics of the mental health field, I will write on here at a regular schedul

A post from lunch-break/Pitchfork Music reviews

I am now living in a reality in which I have a "lunch break". That is, I actually get a full, paid hour to consume nutrients and waste time. At my past, pre-college jobs, a "lunch break" was usually when my underpaid supervisor told me to get a Diet-Rite from 2003 and a pack of crushed Cheez-Its from the sticky-with-old pop vending machine.

So what to talk about? How about Pitchfork Music reviews, and my beef with them. For those who don't know, pitchfork.com is the first source to go to for snobby news and reviews on trendy, annoying indie music. First, an example statement from a Pitchfork review:

"The initial fantasy of Funeral was escaping the neighborhood, dancing beneath the police lights, and living on misbehavior."
                                                                                 -Pitchfork on Arcade Fire's first album

What?! This is ridiculous. While I'm all for detailed descriptions of music, this is just annoying. I think the most obnoxious phrase in this is "dancing beneath the police lights". "Living on misbehavior" takes a close second, but I'll skip whining about it. What is that? When does that happen? How can police lights be danced under? They're on top of cars! Unless by police lights they mean the giant spotlight, Bat-signal things. But those only really seem to exist in cartoons. Or maybe they do exist and I just don't know about them. Anyway, I doubt that the type of people that listen to Arcade Fire have ever commited a crime where during the crime they said things like "Oh isn't this so beautiful to be chased and wanted?" or something equally pretentious and they had so much joy inside them they just "couldn't help but dance under the police lights". Gimme a break!

While hardly modest, Delorean have toned down their anthems, so that much of Subiza feels like a very tiny, very personal rave.
                                                                  -Pitchfork on Delorean's album, Subiza

You know Pitchfork, you hit the nail on the head. As I sit there listening to Delorean's latest album, I just couldn't figure out what it sounded like. Then it began to piece together. 'This sounds like a rave! By golly, a good old fashioned rave!" but still, still something was missing in my description. I yearned for the verbal prowess to describe this album, but it just wasn't happening. But you, Pitchfork, you did it! YOU'RE RIGHT! IT DOES SOUND LIKE A VERY TINY, VERY PERSONAL RAVE!

Ridiculous.

Now, I hope you guys all know that I am just doing what I do best- I am just delighting myself in my perverse pleasure to tear apart media. The truth is I love Pitchfork, and it usually is where I go to find out about new bands. Once in a while though, the pretentiousness of the sight reaches a boiling point for me and I thought I'd share it with you. I could go on and find more ridiculous statements, but alas, I must get back to my duties. BUT HOW COOL IS THIS? I CAN BLOG DURING LUNCH BREAK?!

BLARG

Alright alright here's a quick update:

1.Scott Pilgrim was excellent.
2. The new Arcade Fire album feels just like the rest of the Arcade Fire albums to me: the first song is awesome and makes you think you are about to hear the album of your life, and then there are 3 other songs on the album that are ok and the rest are boring. Don't get me wrong, I like Arcade Fire, but it seems that if you bought a "best of" cd from them, that would be all that you need. They suffer from a lot of filler on their albums.
3. I think I need to watch new kinds of anime. For the past year and a half, I've been into giant robot shows and I think I need a break. It's time to watch something weird and psychological and/funny.
4. I finally got an HDTV and Netflix. I have watched plenty of great movies that I meant to blog on, but with me getting a full-time job, I haven't had the motivation.
5. Yeah.
6. I again skipped Lollapalooza.
7. I promise a long update soon when I am less tired.

Everyone has this picture in their house

I swear, every person between the ages of 18-35 who has their own apartment/house and is even remotely "hip" has this picture.  For those not as smart as me (I kid, I kid), the picture in question here is "Le Tournee du Chat Noir" (weird French accent things omitted because I don't feel like pressing 16 buttons). The picture is an iconic poster painted by Theophile Steinlen in the 1890's for some French cabaret club.

I will admit, the picture is pretty cool. Everyone knows I love cats, the font and lettering evokes images of a gritty nightlife scene, and the black cat juxtaposed against the yellow is a striking image. I might get this picture myself. Wait, no I won't.

This picture has become the French poster version of an early Beatles song: Every time you see it (or in the Beatle's case, hear it), it's great. However, you've seen/heard it 10,000 times already. The original meaning of the work has become nothing more than an automatic process in your brain whose relevancy is no longer meaningful. It's just not a powerful image anymore.

I see this picture in bathrooms. On refrigerators in magnet form. As the "avante-garde" finished basement poster. In dorm-rooms of people who went to France for five minutes (I've done the same, so I can't talk). As a purse. AS A SHOWER CURTAIN!

I've noticed that females tend to be the perpetrators putting these things up. Is it just me, or is every female obsessed with pictures of Paris and other French decorations? The other day I was at Ikea and observed two twenty-something females by a large picture of the Eiffel tower saying "Oh, this is cute!" Another popular picture is a photo of the Eiffel tower taken from a weird angle (underneath, out a hotel window, through an archway). My own wife is notorious for Francophile stuff in my apartment!- currently there is a map of Paris in bulletin board form and a poster in French about the Eiffel tower at the Universal Exposition in the 1800s. WHAT IS THE FASCINATION WITH PARIS, LADIES?! I've been there, and of course I loved it. It was one of the coolest places I've ever been to. But what's with girls who haven't been there being fascinated by it?

Don't worry, I'm not going to judge you an uninteresting bore if you have this picture. You probably thought "Hey, I'm in Paris and a street vendor is selling this. Why not get it and put it in my house?". Or you were at Pier One Imports or Bombay Company (does that store still exist?) and thought "Oooooh! This is international and sexy. I MUST HAVE IT!. I thought the same thing when I was in Paris, but upon realizing that the picture is sold at every street vendor, the memetic stomachache I described two paragraphs above set in. I couldn't have it- I was sick of it, and because everyone else had it I didn't want it.

Whenever I wear an article of clothing/display something in my home, I aim to get something that few or no people have. Perhaps this is the obnoxious hipster inside of me that I am trying to kill coming out, or perhaps I'm just an elitist jerk. I think I prefer the latter. Because of this, I will never display Chat Noir in my home. My wife actually tried to put up a miniature picture of it the other day, and I cried foul.

I have no idea what point I am trying to make in this blog. It was an idea that was spinning around in my head all day and I thought "Hey, this would make an ok blog post!" Feel free to share your love/disdain for the picture, or me, in the comments section

Wiki Sites

Now gentle readers, I know I promised you a review of Inception, but let's face it- you've seen the movie, you probably enjoyed it, and you and all your weird friends have been talking about it all week and debating the ending like every other 16-30 year old in America. I don't think I need to say anymore on it.

I moved into a new apartment recently, and I do not have a T.V. The last T.V. I had was a typical dorm-room 19 inch 480p tube-tv, and at the end of the year I said "I'm throwing this out. My next T.V. is going to be an HDTV. If I throw this out, I'll be forced to buy a new T.V., no matter how broke I am."

Of course, if you know me, you know it is very hard for me to part with money. Perhaps this can be blamed on my Semitic lineage, my current unemployed status, or maybe I'm just a sniveling miser. I know that many of you will elect the latter choice as explanation. Don't get me wrong, I've found some good deals- I uncovered a 26 inch Dynex HDTV for 165 bucks on Craigslist- but I just can't bring myself to buy one. I'll probably cave in a couple of weeks- It's been too long since I've watched a movie on DVD.

In the fleeting moments of spare time I've had between setting up my new apartment, working at a terrible temporary job., being married, and dealing with life. I've found myself occupied with my favorite timesink, Wikipedia (what else am I gonna do if there's nothing to watch?). If you know me, you know I have had a love affair with the hive-minded website since 2005 that just won't quit. I am a huge information and trivia junkie, and Wikipedia fills that niche perfectly.

The thing I have always loved about Wikipedia is the trail of topics you will find yourself on. The other night, a friend of mine sent me a video of a terrifying sea creature called a Siphonophore:



Yes ladies and gentleman, this thing exists. I was fascinated with this creature, and of course, looked it up on Wikipedia. This lead to the finding that these creatures are related to the Portugese Man' O War, a hideous jellyfish-like creature that floats on the surface of the ocean. I found out that a certain type of sea turtle eats Portugese Man O' Wars (is that the plural form?) and I just HAD to know about that. Then I remembered that I wanted to look up dolphins because I had seen some on my honeymoon cruise. This lead me to look up almost every species of dolphin. I then found out that there is a type of "river-dolphin" in China called a "Baiji" that may have gone extinct. This linked me to a page of animals that scientists think may be extinct. This then lead me to extinct animals, including an eagle that went extinct 500 years ago that was so huge it could kill emus. I then remembered I had my dolphin page still open. This linked me to whales. Before I knew it, I found myself on a page about whale-dolphin hybrids, and I decided this was a good stopping point for bed.

This chain of madness is an almost daily occurrence for me. Another site I frequent notorious for Wiki-chaining is Tvtropes.org. TVtropes.org is a Wikipedia style site dedicated to media cliches. This site arguably addicts me more than Wikipedia. I write this blog to observe and criticize media, and if there is a Wiki of like minded people, I'm doomed. One day I spent 2 hours on a single page reading about shows that were cancelled due to network executive interference. I also like reading about classic cliches like "camping trip episodes" in sitcoms and "There are two types of people in this world..." lines in movies. I remember I once lost a whole Saturday due to T.V. Tropes.

Here's one thing I can't stand- when people say "HOW CAN YOU TRUST WIKIPEDIA PIXELATEDCYNIC? DON'T YOU KNOW ANYONE CAN EDIT IT LOL? YOU'LL BELIEVE ANYTHING!" These people fail to realize that most Wiki sites have administrators that regularly comb through each page to check inaccuracies and point out ways the page can be improved. I don't think I'm going to find a page on Henry VIII telling me how he was in fact a grilled cheese sandwich.

Other Wiki sites I enjoy are those dedicated to nerdy stuff like Star Wars, Warhammer and anime series. While Wikipedia has great information on these things, series-specific Wikis are where you go if you absolutely want to know every finite detail on a movie or show (and believe me, I do).

One more great Wiki site is Wikitravel.com. I recently spent my honeymoon in Orlando and The Bahamas, and I made time to look up each area's Wikitravel entry. Wikitravel tends to be written by people who like to get off the beaten, tourist ridden path and experience a region's unique culture, and the website was able to point me to some great locations.

The aspect I love most about Wiki sites is that they will never get old. Since they have thousands of contributors, new information is always being added, and information NEVER stops. Because of this, there will always be something new to catch my interest. I have noticed that whenever I experience anything, I look it up on a Wiki site so I can know everything about it. For example, I looked up the exact cruise ship I went on my honeymoon to find that it has been plagued by a series of frightening occurrences like suicides, murders, fatal accidents and near-sinkings (I kid you not!).  Why am I addicted to information? Perhaps it's the modern age we live in and the effect of the internet. Or I'm probably just a huge nerd.

Inception

Was awesome

I have become one of those idiots that doesn't update

Dear Readers,

I have not updated in a while. That is because I have been planning for my wedding/having my wedding/going on my honeymoon. I promise I will give you all an update later this week. I realize I have not done a summer movie preview for July. Alas, July is halfway over already so there's really no point. The best I can do is offer you a review of Inception, which I plan on seeing this week. I will write here soon!

Meanwhile, enjoy this:

Toy Story 3 Review

This summer has been movie hell. One abominable film after another- Marmaduke, Jonah Hex, Killers- all these movies are contributing to the continuing dumbing process of the American public. I predicted in my June summer movie preview post that Pixar would make a movie this summer that would be a ray of hope. I was wrong. It was a full on supernova!

Toy Story 3 is simply one of the finest films I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. When I went into the movie, I knew it was going to be good- I have never seen a Pixar film that I hated, or even disliked. Pixar is a studio that stresses painstaking quality, excellent writing, and lovable, relatable characters. I knew I was going to get this with Toy Story 3- I had grown up watching the movies hundreds of times as a kid, and I could quote many, many lines from the first film. "YOU ARE A TOY! YOU AREN'T THE REAL BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! YOU'RE-YOUR'E AN ACTION FIGURE! YOU ARE A CHILD'S PLAY THING!" "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity!" I even could sing all the Randy Newman songs: "Oh no, it can't be true- I could fly if I wanted to. Like a bird in the sky, I believe I can fly!!!!" I remember watching in anxious delight as a child at the awesome chase scene at the end of the film where the toys had to get back in the moving truck- and I still hold to this day that sequence is one of the finest in all of filmdom. 

I went to see Toy Story 2 as a slightly older kid- I believe I was 11 or 12 when it came out- and I loved it just as much. Who can forget the awesome Buzz vs. Zurk fight sequence in the elevator? Or when the film attempts to outdo the original by having a chase-recovery scene with an airplane? Or the introduction of Mrs. Potato head? Wayne Knight as "Al" of "Al's Toy Barn"? Man, WHAT A GOOD MOVIE!

So, with me having watched both films at one time or another over the past 15 years and continuing to love them, I knew I was going to love Toy Story 3. I knew I was possibly in for a fun, light-hearted adventure full of amazing CGI and "Golly-bob-howdys" from the Slinky dog character. I did get these elements, but I also got a lot of dark, adult themes.

The premise of Toy Story 3 is that the toy's owner, Andy, is moving away to college. Over the years, Andy has grown older, and as it happens with children who grow older, he doesn't really play with his toys anymore.

      

Wow, look at how grown up he is! Anyway, Andy's mom comes in and says she is gonna throw out all the toys if Andy doesn't pack them up or donate them. I don't want to spoil the movie, but through a series of wacky mishaps the toys end up at a day care center. That's when things start getting dark. I will not ruin the rest of the movie for you, but I will discuss some of the themes in the film that stood out to me, and insert some examples when necessary.

The film deals with themes of growing up, abandonment, loss, death, and the attachment we as humans get for  inanimate objects from our childhood. At one point in the film, *SPOILER* Andy decides that he wants to keep his toys, even though he doesn't play with them anymore. To him, they represent his childhood- a golden, idealized age of existence for us all where the fun never ends and there are no responsibilities. I myself could really relate to this scene- Even though I don't play with my old toys anymore, I've kept them all. There has been time after time where my Mom has brought my brother and I up to my room and said "Alright, let's go through these toys and decide which ones we're giving to the thrift store" And time after time, nothing gets donated to the thrift store. My brother and I associate those toys with the endless imaginative fun we had with them as children. *END SPOILER*

The film could even be said to have themes of questioning one's faith. *SPOILER* Throughout the film, the toys are constantly questioning if their "Owner" loves them anymore. They question the point of their existence- Are they just pieces of plastic, or do they serve a greater purpose? At one point in the film, the villain, Lot-So-Huggin Bear, states "YOU ARE TRASH!" and a little bit later, as he is about to effectively "end" a toy's life, he states "WHERE IS YOUR KID NOW?!" Symbolism, much? While it is most likely that I am reading too much into these scenes in the movie, the themes are still very adult and could raise some interesting discussions between friends, family and children that see the movie.*END SPOILER*

I have read somewhere that some people even consider the movie an extended metaphor for the afterlife- *SPOILER* The room where the toys are tortured and beaten by the toddlers is a kind of purgatory- The Lotso-Bear character even states that every toy must go through the room in order to get to another room with the older children where the toys are played with nicely. The garbage incinerator that the toys descend towards at the end of the film is an obvious metaphor for hell. Now you may think I am going too far- "IT'S TOY STORY, IT'S NOT DANTE'S INFERNO!"-and maybe I am. But again, it's just something interesting to think about.

Aside from all the dark themes, there were plenty of great moments: *SPOILER* The return of the aliens and "The claaaaaaw". The truly EPIC imagination sequence at the beginning of the movie. Mr. Potato Head as a tortilla. The Totoro (a character from a Hayao Miyazaki anime film) cameo. Spanish-speaking Buzz Lightyear. The hideous old baby toy character, complete with half opened eye. Randy Newman music. The stylistic Lotso Bear flashback scene. I could go on! *END SPOILER*

I have always loved children's movies that have dark themes. Among some of my favorite movies growing up were The Brave Little Toaster, Aladdin, Babe, The Lion King, and Pinnochio. All of these movies have very dark moments- Toaster is dark throughout and has the same themes of affection for inanimate objects that Toy Story 3 has. Alladin has the whole Jafar turning into a giant, demonic snake thing. Babe has the killing of Babe's mother at the beginning of the film. The Lion King has the death of Mufasa. Pinnochio has the whole nightmare section on "Pleasure Island" (I read the actual book the film was based on as a kid, and it was even more terrifying). I read somewhere that children have two big emotions- happiness and fear- and that is why good children's movie have these themes. 

Go see Toy Story 3. If you don't like this movie, I can say in all confidence that you are a soulless wraith and have the movie taste of a sea slug. Except for that sea slug that showed me Eraserhead. He had good movie taste.

She & Him at Millenium Park

Since I live in the fine city of Chicago, I am privy to the bounty of things to do here. Yesterday, Millenium Park offered a free concert by the band She & Him. I have listened to She & Him before, but I couldn't really get into their first album, Volume One. I found it slow and boring- I like Zooey Deschanel's voice, but there were some songs that just kept going, and going, and going, and going until I wanted to fall asleep. It had some songs that I really liked, like I Was Made For You, but other than that I found it quite unremarkable. I really enjoy their new album, Volume Two. She & Him add more indie-pop, upbeat sounds to this album that will be stuck in your head for days, and this is most evidenced in the song In the Sun. But I didn't write this blog to review She & Him albums, I wrote it to show you the awesome pictures and video I got!

Full House!

The band from a distance (Who the heck is the guy with the dorky grin in the center?)

This train of hipsters and I managed to push and dance our way to the very front of the stage.

Were getting closer....

Holy crap she can play piano!

By this point I had managed to muscle my way to the very front of the stage...

The best shot I managed to get...every indie guy's dream!

Here's the video I got!

All in all, it was a great night!

Summer Movie Preview: June

It seems June is already upon us, and with that comes more awful movies. Last night, I was dragged to see Splice with a few friends. When I watched the previews for Splice, I thought "That is precisely the kind of movie I would never want to see". But I saw it? How? I will never know. Suffice to say, it has one of the weirdest scenes I have ever seen in a movie. And it involves Adrian Brody and carnal activity, so you might need a doggy bag while watching it. That's all I'm saying, ON TO THE MOVIES!


Marmaduke

This movie existing is proof that there is an evil, nefarious being known as Satan who is plotting our demise. You thought that he would do it through war, or plague, or widespread debauchery, but in secret he is plotting it through Marmaduke. How many poorly animated CGI dogs must studios perpetrate upon the American public? When I saw the trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua a couple of years ago, I thought it was the equivalent of movie anthrax, but Marmaduke skips the whole slowly dying of a virus part and opts for scorched earth tactics. HA HA FARTING ANIMALS! PEEING ANIMALS! ANIMALS ON SURFBOARDS AND HUMAN TRANSPORTATION! Get it? It's funny because animals do gross bodily functions at inappropriate times! It's also funny because dogs don't get on surfboards, and the absurdity is AWESOME! Also, I am mandating that Owen Wilson should only be in Wes Anderson movies. When I watch him in non-Wes Anderson movies, he becomes the cinematic equivalent of an Afghan blanket on a 90 degree night. That is, HE IS COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE. Enough.

The A-Team

I know what you're thinking. "Heh-heh. I'm seeing this movie no question. It's based on the EFFING A-TEAM. That show was awesome, c'mon, it had MR. T in it! And Murdoch!" SHUTUP. I never found The A-Team entertaining in the least. In fact, I have never found any hour-long action show from the 70's entertaining. There seems to be some unspoken rule amongst people that The A-Team is one of those shows that EVERYONE likes because of its kitsch value. Everyone knows the show sucks, but they like it anyway and find it cool. I watched an episode of The A-Team once, and thought "Hey, I could have cut the lawn. Or cleaned the shower. Or eaten leftover Hamburger Helper from last week, because all of these things are more interesting than this show" Now you're gonna say "PIXELATEDCYNIC, YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG! I USED TO WATCH THAT SHOW WITH MY UNCLE!" To which I say, your Uncle is a lazy man that should have brought you to get ice cream. Wow, I am rambling. As for the actual movie, I will PASS PASS PASS on it. Which brings me to another rant. Why is Liam Neeson settling for sub-par action movies these days? He used to be a respectable actor being in movies like Schindler's List and Les Miserables. Now he's in Taken (which was ok, but not Liam Neeson Material), Clash of the Titans, and The A-Team. It makes me sad when I see once-great actors settle for this stuff. Also, this movie stars the guy I found to be an absolute A-HOLE in The Hangover. You know, the guy that was always telling people to calm down because he's been in wacky situations before so he knows what to do? You know, the guy who you wanted to hit the whole movie? DONE.

Get Him to the Greek

I love Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Knocked Up, Pineapple Express and basically anything that Judd Apatow has produced. Suffice to say then I will enjoy this movie. The combination of Jonah Hill and Russel Brand spells comic gold to me. Now someone PLEASE TELL ME WHY I PASSED ON THIS MOVIE LAST NIGHT TO SEE "SPLICE"? 

The Karate Kid

NO. 

Jonah Hex

I like Westerns. I like supernatural fiction. I like graphic novels. Jonah Hex, in its original form, is a combination of all of these. I am really on the fence about this movie. It has a really interesting plot and main character, but I have become the battered wife who has had enough to comic-based movies lately. That is, I have had enough long, miserable nights at the movie theater with the likes of Xmen Origins: Wolverine, The Fantastic Four, Spiderman 2, 3, and Iron Man. Comic-book movies are where I am most cynical. I hate 98% of them. Because of this, I am not getting my hopes up for this movie at all.

Grown Ups

If you see this movie, you are a fool. I can just imagine what the studio execs said when they pitched this idea. "HEY GUYS. CHRIS ROCK, ADAM SANDLER, DAVID SPADE, KEVIN JAMES, AND ROB SCHNEIDER ARE FUNNY (sic). IF WE COMBINE THEM ALL IN A WACKY MOVIE ABOUT HOW ADULTHOOD SUCKS, PEOPLE WILL LOVE IT! WHO'S WITH ME?"

I've had it! Why do studios continue to mix comics who all have different styles of humor? Chris Rock's style of humor is in no way like Adam Sandler's. Kevin James style of humor is based around him looking beaten and worn down when people make fun of his weight (read: he's not funny). David Spade's style of humor involves him being snarky and annoying. Rob Schneider is a genetic experiment gone wrong that should never have seen the light of day. And yet you all are going to see this movie, and it will make a ton of money. WHY?!

Toy Story 3

Pixar movies are the heroes that save the day during the summer. Here's the scenario: You're on a battlefield, and all of your fellow soldiers have been killed off or injured. Your surrounded by The Prince of Persia, Marmaduke, Shrek 4, Splice, Grown Ups, and The A-Team, all pointing rifles at you. Suddenly, Toy Story 3 bursts upon the scene and takes them all out, ninja style, with nothing other than it's fists. You've suffered through a lot this summer, but the Pixar movie redeemed it all. That is how Toy Story 3 will be. Anyone that does not like the Toy Story movies is probably either the Devil or a lifeform from another planet where happiness is not an emotion. I cannot wait to see this movie.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I can't take this anymore! Leave your dumb comments telling me how much my opinion sucks below. 

I am seeing this movie

The film in question here is Scott Pilgrim vs. The World:



Michael Cera? Jason Schwartzmann? Anna Kendrick? Kieran Culkin? SOLD. These three people are individuals I wouldn't mind hanging out with in real life, and that's saying something. Also, the film is based on a critically acclaimed graphic novel series that I have yet to read. If you watched the trailer above, you'll understand the plot- a stylized, manga/anime and video game influenced take on romance. This is right up my alley. It looks like I have my work cut out for me, as I must now read all 6 graphic novels. I can't wait, and expect a review of the graphic novels if I track them down. Also, my June summer preview should be here within the next couple of posts. Look forward to more cynicism.

Excellent Graphic Novels

In between job hunting, going to interviews, and more job hunting, I've had a lot of spare time lately. So, I've taken it upon myself to read some excellent graphic novels. The first graphic novel I plowed through was a manga called With the Light.

With the Light tells the story of a young family's struggle to raise their autistic child. Myself having worked in the field developmental disabilities was naturally attracted to this title. As if it wasn't obvious from my previous posts, I am somewhat of a Japanophile and voraciously devour anything worthwhile from the manga/anime world. So when I saw this book at Borders, I thought "Well, that should be interesting!". My lovely fiance then took it upon herself to buy me this book for graduation. Isn't she just a gem?

The book does a great job of conveying the emotions of the parents as they raise their child, Hiroaki. We see the mother's anguish as she grasps to understand why her child does not talk at 6 years old. We see her endure the insults towards her child by others due to their ignorance of the disorder. At the beginning of the story, we also see the father become angry with Hiroaki and the mother. He feels that it is the mother's fault that Hiroaki behaves the way he does due to her "not raising him right". We also see his insensitivity to Hiroaki's frequent outbursts and screaming spells because of his obsession with his career.

The book also has excellent character growth. You may be thinking that Hiroaki's father sounds like an absolute monster, but he changes as the book progresses. Hiroaki's outside family begins to accept Hiroaki's disorder and attempts to help him. We also see the mother make friends as she joins a group for parents who have autistic children.

The author really did an excellent job of portraying autistic children as they really are. I have met many children that behave just as Hiroaki does in jobs I have worked at, and I have also talked to parents with autistic children who do not understand why their child does not return the love they show them. I would recommend this book as a "must read" for anyone interested in the field of developmental disabilities, and I would make this book a mandatory requirement for staff if I was ever the supervisor of a facility that helped people with autism.

I would say the only drawback to this book is it's emphasis on the mundane. The graphic novel is in the "slice of life" genre, and as such there are scenes of going shopping, going to school, talking on the phone, etc. Those who do not find this genre interesting may not like this book at all. I, however, quite enjoy the slice of life genre and really enjoyed this manga.


Blankets

The next graphic novel I read was a book called Blankets, by Craig Thompson. There was a huge buzz about the book back in 2003, but I was lame and un-hip back then and because of that had not known of it's existence. So for you "with-it" readers out there, you may be thinking "This guy hasn't read Blankets yet? C'mon!"

 The book is an auto-biographical account of the author's childhood, with a particular focus on the author's first girlfriend. If I may be transparent with you, readers, this book really stirred my emotions in a way that few books ever have. 

I could relate to the main character in this book so much. He is raised in an Evangelical Christian family, has a brother that is about 4 years younger then him, and lives in the Midwest. He is a sensitive, quiet, skinny awkward kid/teenager. These are all traits that I had/have, to the T!

In the book, Thompson explores themes such as siblings growing apart, family, the passion of teenage relationships, and struggling with one's faith. He explores sad things that none of us really like to think about. While the book is not the most depressing read ever- there are segments of profound joy- there is definitely a melancholy feeling that soaks its pages. The entirety of the story is set in a freezing cold winter, adding to the doldrums, and you just can't help but feel down throughout a lot of the book. 

I really don't want to spoil anything that happens in the novel, so I won't discuss key plot points. I will say that anybody that was raised as a Christian, especially in the 80s and 90s, would do well to read this book. The author captures that world so well, and asks questions about his faith that mature Christians really should be asking. 

Ghost World

This book, without a doubt, has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read.  The graphic novel is about two cynical, hipster teenage girls recently graduated from high school and their daily lives. The writing in the book is FANTASTIC. The author really captures how people talk, and the conversations the characters in the book are conversations I have had with my friends. For example, at one part in the book, the characters go on and on about how there is a strange man at a coffee shop they frequent that looks like Don Knotts. My friends and I always have stupid conversations like that! The degree of cynicism the characters display is also hilarious- everyone is an idiot, and everything is stupid, and they are better than all of it. The girls talk at length about how so and so is an idiot, how this guy is fake, how this girl is ugly- it's genius.

In the book, themes of growing apart from friends are also explored. The girls, having just recently graduated from high school, have no idea what they are going to do with their lives. They know that they will inevitably find their paths and grow apart from each other, and this theme is explored subtly throughout the book. 

Loneliness is another theme that is woven throughout the tale. We see scenes of lonely, sad, seemingly pathetic people, such as "The Don Knotts Guy" and "The weird guy at the bus stop". The whole novel uses pale blue colors, and the author stated that he did this to evoke the feeling one gets when walking home in the dark at night, looking into houses and seeing the pale blue light of people's televisions lighting up the room. While the novel is nowhere near as sad as Blankets, there is definitely a perceptible sadness when reading it.

There was also a movie based on the graphic novel that came out in 2000, starring Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson as the girls, and Steve Buscemi as an amalgamation of "The Don Knotts Guy" and "The Windbreaker Guy". I have heard it is quite good, and will be watching it soon.

The graphic novel to me is one of the most fascinating storytelling mediums. I have always told myself that were I ever to write a creative work of fiction, I would do it in a graphic novel. The interaction of beautiful artwork and excellent writing, when done right, is always a great treat. While just "comic books" to some people, these graphic novels truly made me think and changed the way I perceive the world, if just in a small way. When this happens, the author has done a fine job-he has affected the life of someone else and made them think. What more could the author want?

Addicted to Persona 3

This week, I picked up a game I had been searching for quite some time called Persona 3. I had wanted this game for the whole school year, but never had the time or expendable finances to obtain it. So, this week, the whim finally came to me to go get it, and I figured my surest bet would be to buy a copy online. Now, if you know me, you know I am the cheapest guy ever and will go to great lengths to get a deal. Copies I found online ranged from $30-$90. I am a person that does not like to spend more than $20 on a video game, unless it is something like Mass Effect or Metal Gear Solid- Games that there is no question that I must play immediately despite their weighty sixty dollar price tag. Now, I have the means to buy a game for thirty dollars, don't get me wrong, I just didn't want to spend it.

How did I solve the problem? I discovered that Google has this thing called "Google Shopping" that can compare prices of items you type in based on stores in your area. The service found a shiny new copy of the SPECIAL EDITION of the game for 15 dollars at a Gamestop about 5 minutes from my house. I responded by promptly rushing to the store, forking over the 15 and popping the game into my PS2.

So what the heck is so great about this game? If you are one of my close, nerdy friends, you probably already know about the game and can stop reading here. If you are a member of the general public who says "Man I loved playing Mario when I was 6, old school games are the best!" (by the way, those kind of people annoy the heck out of me) you probably have never heard of this game and couldn't care less about it. But I'm going to tell you about it anyway. Persona 3 is a JRPG (Japanese Role Playing Game) about a couple of high school kids that have to stop some evil, demonic force in town. The aspect that sets this game apart from other JRPGs is that it has a social aspect to it- the game has a time system, and by day you go to school and develop your social life, while night is spent with the secret SEES (this stands for something involving Students and paranormal crap, I forget) group fighting monsters and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. The game has a cool anime art style that reminds me of anime like Soul Eater and recent GAINAX stuff. To see what I'm talking about, watch the opening movie! (It features wonderful Engrish rapping)



The game is also incredibly edgy and mature- when you use your spells in the game, you have to summon a "Persona", a weird monster-spirit thing that somehow reflects your hidden desires and personality traits. The way these monsters are summoned are by the characters putting this gun-looking object called an "Evoker" to their head and pulling the trigger. I'm surprised that Jack Thompson and other media watchdogs didn't jump all over this game and accuse it of promoting suicide. Here's an example:



There are hundreds and hundreds of personas you can obtain in the game, all with unique abilities, which are unlocked by fighting monsters and gaining experience.

So the combination of the social aspect, awesome battle system, cool story and hundreds of creatures to collect have created a dangerous cocktail that has addicted me. Why do I always have to get into long, addicting games at crucial points in my life? (right now I am looking for a "professional" job after getting out of college and planning for my upcoming wedding) Oh well. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a hangout scheduled with Yoko at the coffeehouse after school, I have to study for the upcoming midterm exams at Gekkoukan high, and I have to get to level 25 of the Tartarus tower so I can defeat the powerful Shadows that lurk there.

The Pixelated Cynic's Summer Movie Preview

Well, here we are at the fourteenth of May. The summer movie season is about to roll out, and it looks like we've got a lot of terrible films coming out in the next couple months. I had planned on writing this post earlier, but I was too busy GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE. It works like this: I'll introduce the movie, then present my (negative) opinion on it. Bear in mind I will not talk about every movie coming out this summer, merely the huge titles. So without further ado, let's get started.


IRON MAN 2

I wonder if it's possible for me to be more uninterested in a movie. I really don't understand why everyone loved the first one. Every person I knew raved and ranted about it when it came out, saying it was the best thing ever, that the action sequences were amazing, that Robert Downey Jr. was awesome. When I walked out of the theatre, I thought "Well, I guess that was ok". Then everyone got a massive hard-on for the thing. This drove me to eventually hate it, as I had to argue the whole summer that "The movie wasn't that great". Thankfully "The Dark Knight" finally came out that summer and shut everyone up because it was an amazing superhero movie and an amazing film all around.

The second one just looks ridiculous. And you want to know why? This is why:

WHO THE HELL'S IDEA WAS THIS CHARACTER DESIGN? Blonde highlights in Mickey Rourke's hair? What?! You know, I just love when a fading actor makes one good movie (Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler") then Hollywood says "LOL this guy is awesome lets star him in a million movies!" I just can't wait for the inevitable onslaught of crappy action movies starring Mickey Rourke in the next five years. I could go and on and say more things I could care less about in Iron Man 2, but we've got a lot of movies we have to get through.

ROBIN HOOD

(Yawn) BOOOOOOOOOOOORING! Man, does this movie look unbelievably dull. There's nothing I like seeing more than Russel Crowe in a dark-toned period epic. "But wait PixelatedCynic! It's directed by Ridley Scott!" Who cares? In my opinion, the guy is the definition of a hit or miss director. Body of Lies? Kingdom of Heaven? Please! Also, Russel Crowe is slowly becoming an actor I hate. He has the same facial expression, voice and haircut in every movie. Just look at the poster above. That's Russel Crowe in every movie he's ever been in.

MACGRUBER

This looks like a movie I should absolutely hate. I never found the MacGruber sketch that funny (then again, I haven't found most things on SNL funny in the past 5 years) and SNL movies either horribly suck or are hilarious. However, early reviews of this thing say it's been pretty good, so I'll withhold judgment. 

SHREK FOREVER AFTER

WHY DO THEY KEEP MAKING SHREK MOVIES?! WHY WHY WHY WHY?!! Oh yeah, because PEOPLE KEEP PAYING FOR THIS TRASH! I can't stand Dreamworks animation studio. Here's their formula:

1. Find some funny looking animals, animate them with mediocre CGI

2. Get a bunch of big name actors/actress that aren't that great at voice acting

3. Insert a bunch of lame pop culture references

4. Insert a bunch of fart jokes and double entendres

5. Ship the movie and make LUDICROUS AMOUNTS OF MONEY from the human cattle that pay for these things.

As far as I'm concerned, the only CGI studio is Pixar. Pixar consistently turns out movies with interesting characters and unique plots. They try to do something new with every movie. WALL-E was one of the best films I've ever seen. Monsters, Inc. had excellent writing. The Incredibles managed to be the best superhero movie ever. Meanwhile, Dreamworks pumps out sequels, sequels, sequels with uninspired plots and piss-poor humor. I've had enough.

PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME

I enjoyed the Prince of Persia games. I will not enjoy this movie. It's by the same people who made the Pirates of the Carribean movies, so it will be filled with cool special effects, British accents, and plots that make NO SENSE. And everyone will love it and claim it's the greatest movie ever. However, it could be tolerable. That's the best I'll give it: A tolerable.

Well, those are all the big movies for the month of May. I will make a new post towards June. Otherwise this post will be ginormous, and no one wants that.