I am now living in a reality in which I have a "lunch break". That is, I actually get a full, paid hour to consume nutrients and waste time. At my past, pre-college jobs, a "lunch break" was usually when my underpaid supervisor told me to get a Diet-Rite from 2003 and a pack of crushed Cheez-Its from the sticky-with-old pop vending machine.
So what to talk about? How about Pitchfork Music reviews, and my beef with them. For those who don't know, pitchfork.com is the first source to go to for snobby news and reviews on trendy, annoying indie music. First, an example statement from a Pitchfork review:
"The initial fantasy of Funeral was escaping the neighborhood, dancing beneath the police lights, and living on misbehavior."
-Pitchfork on Arcade Fire's first album
What?! This is ridiculous. While I'm all for detailed descriptions of music, this is just annoying. I think the most obnoxious phrase in this is "dancing beneath the police lights". "Living on misbehavior" takes a close second, but I'll skip whining about it. What is that? When does that happen? How can police lights be danced under? They're on top of cars! Unless by police lights they mean the giant spotlight, Bat-signal things. But those only really seem to exist in cartoons. Or maybe they do exist and I just don't know about them. Anyway, I doubt that the type of people that listen to Arcade Fire have ever commited a crime where during the crime they said things like "Oh isn't this so beautiful to be chased and wanted?" or something equally pretentious and they had so much joy inside them they just "couldn't help but dance under the police lights". Gimme a break!
While hardly modest, Delorean have toned down their anthems, so that much of Subiza feels like a very tiny, very personal rave.
-Pitchfork on Delorean's album, Subiza
You know Pitchfork, you hit the nail on the head. As I sit there listening to Delorean's latest album, I just couldn't figure out what it sounded like. Then it began to piece together. 'This sounds like a rave! By golly, a good old fashioned rave!" but still, still something was missing in my description. I yearned for the verbal prowess to describe this album, but it just wasn't happening. But you, Pitchfork, you did it! YOU'RE RIGHT! IT DOES SOUND LIKE A VERY TINY, VERY PERSONAL RAVE!
Ridiculous.
Now, I hope you guys all know that I am just doing what I do best- I am just delighting myself in my perverse pleasure to tear apart media. The truth is I love Pitchfork, and it usually is where I go to find out about new bands. Once in a while though, the pretentiousness of the sight reaches a boiling point for me and I thought I'd share it with you. I could go on and find more ridiculous statements, but alas, I must get back to my duties. BUT HOW COOL IS THIS? I CAN BLOG DURING LUNCH BREAK?!
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