What's so great about old video games?

I'm just gonna come out and say it: I find the vast majority of "old school" video games to be un-fun, boring, dusty relics. So sue me. Sorry, but shooting a couple of green pixels in "Space Invaders" does not compare to the 40+ hour open-ended epic that is "Mass Effect 2". I said it, and you're going to have to cope with it.

Now let me make a distinction here before all of you trample down my door and end my short, pathetic life. I love most video games from the 16 bit era and up. I played Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis as a kid, but due to my mother's fanatical belief that "Videogames are mindless and too expensive", I never owned a proper system until I bought a Playstation 2 at the age of 14. Fortunately I had plenty of friends that had a Nintendo 64 or Playstation in their heydays, so I still consider myself quite learned of that era of videogame history. I also owned a Game Boy as a child, so I played most of the notable 8-bit era classics that were ported to that system (Mario, Zelda, blah blah blah). I generally enjoyed most of the games I played on these systems.

The 8 bit era is where I start to take issue. I really don't get the fanatical obsession people have with that era of gaming. Yes, yes, yes I can appreciate that many of the games that were birthed in this era have given us the framework for how videogames today are played. What I don't appreciate is when people INSIST that these games are the finest games ever made and no game today will ever come close to their perfection.

I'm sorry, but I don't really think a hideous pixel garden gnome slashing away at some red dodecahedron thing in a room solely consisting of blackness (I'm describing the original Legend of Zelda) can really compare to riding a spinning gear and battling a beautifully rendered zombie dragon creature all the while avoiding oncoming projectiles and traps (I'm talking about one of the more current Legend of Zelda entries, Twilight Princess). Since videogames are a medium of visual nature, let's let these two videos do the talking:





Sorry nostalgia nerds, I'd rather feel my adrenaline pump as I fend off hoards of goblins pursuing me on boars then hit a bunch of ugly.....things with a blunt kitchen knife.

I feel that the videogames of old are responsible for the general public not taking videogames as a serious artistic medium. Let me give you an example from my own life. When my wife and I first got married, she was of the camp that "all you do in videogames is shoot each other. They're dumb and you're wasting brain cells". She had never considered the idea that videogames can be used as a beautiful storytelling medium. Well, because she had nothing else to do, she decided to watch me play through "Red Dead Redemption". Throughout my playthrough, she made comments like "I never knew videogames had such good stories! Why isn't this a movie!". I watched as she became attached to the characters and events of the game, telling me "You have to kill that guy! He shouldn't be allowed to live after what he's done!". Her opinion on videogames has changed now, and now when I am thinking about buying a videogame, she is sure to tell me "Buy one with a story I can get into!".

To be fair, videogames still have quite a ways to go. The market is flooded with burly space marine shooters and endless Call of Duty clones that are consumed by the denizens of Greek houses on campuses across America. I can see where the revulsion for modern day videogames comes from. But I am tired of hearing "VIDEOGAMES ARE TOO COMPLICATED! JUST GIVE ME SOME MARIO! I PLAYED THAT GAME SO MUCH AS A KID!". I would ask these people to come see the vast ground that games have covered since the mid 80's and ask them to see how gameplay elements have changed. They would find a world full of fascinating possibilities.

I have one thing to say and one thing only: Jason Statham is an idiot, and if you keep supporting his movies you're an idiot. Actually I have a little bit more to say. What's with his voice? LOOK AT ME I HAVE A DEEP BRITISH GRITTY VOICE. I WAS RAISED BY THE SLUSH THAT FILLS GUTTERS ON LONDON STREETS. That whole gimmick was fine in Snatch and Lock Stock, but he should STOP DOING IT 11 YEARS LATER (or 10. Who cares.). If you go see "The Mechanic", or liked "Crank", "Death Race", "The Bank Job" (everybody that bought this thought "AWESOME A HEIST MOVIE. IT'S AUTOMATICALLY GOOD". I don't understand that mindset), or any of "The Transporter" movies, kindly never recommend me any movie, EVER. It will go into the metaphorical waste disposal of my mind and be shredded into millions of cockney-accented little pieces. That is all.