Reading

Last week's post was just a little bit melancholy. This week I was going to write about my views on the decline of American society, but hey, it's Christmas time- let's talk about something somewhat positive! This week's topic will be broad- I'll be talking about my rediscovery of the joy of reading.

I've been in love with reading ever since I learned how to do it in first grade. With many things in my life, I have to practice and repeat them over and over and over again to get them down to where I can do tasks semi-competently, but that was not so with reading. I remember sitting at one of those plastic white tables in first grade and practicing reading with one of the 8th graders. My school had this deal where every week the 7th and 8th graders would come to the first grade and help the younger kids practice reading books. I remember one day, as I struggled to grasp words and sentence structure, something just clicked! I suddenly figured out how to read, and it resulted in me coming home and rapidly devouring every book in the house.

I should tell you that my mother is a voracious reader. Some people have sports, others have movies, others have complex and intricate board games where you paint little metal figures and yell "For the Emperor!", but my mother has reading. If she has a spare minute, she's reading something. I've asked her how many books she reads in a year, and it is always in the hundreds.

So you can see that my mother considers reading extremely important, and once I figured out how to do it, she poured fuel on the metaphorical fires of my knowledge any chance she got. Before I could read, she and my father were constantly reading stories to me, and I enjoyed going to the library and picking out books. When I unlocked the power of scanning the words and comprehending them, she and my father were beside themselves.

As a child, my family was vehemently opposed to video games and cable television. Sure, I played the odd video game here or there at a friend's house, and I watched enough Rugrats and Johnny Bravo at my grandparent's house to avoid having the cultural awareness of an Amish child, but when I had spare time at home, one of my only options was reading. You may say I'm deprived for not being able to play the first Legend of Zelda or having an encylopedic knowledge of Ren and Stimpy, but I regret nothing! My consumption of books as a child has given me knowledge that I use even today.

An accurate depiction of my life as a child.

The great thing about my parents is that they didn't really censor me from reading certain kinds of books. Now this doesn't mean I was able to pour over "Game of Thrones" at 7 years old- I would have no interest of doing so anyway- I just wasn't prohibited from reading about sensitive topics. I grew up in an Evangelical Christian home, and I'm still a Christian today, but my parents encouraged me to check out books from the library about world religions, anatomy and biology, and history. I was fascinated in learning about how different cultures and people live across the world, and about the things that they believed in. I was always particularly fascinated in Hinduism and ancient Greek Myths as a child and read tens of books on each subject's pantheon. Many of the stories scared me-I remember reading one of those great Eyewitness books on Greek Myths and seeing a terrifying picture of Medusa being beheaded, and I wasn't able to sleep without thinking about it for a whole week. Fortunately, I came out ok. I checked out books on the great wars of humanity, and considered the Holocaust and read about the Conquistadors. Such things are not easy reading for a kid, but I was always able to ask my parents questions, and this lead to discussion which helped me grow.

Come to think of it, there was some weird stuff in Greek mythology...

My reading tastes began to mature as I got older. I read through all the Lord of the Rings books in 7th grade, and I clearly recall staying up way too late on a school night in wide eyed suspense as the fellowship braved the Mines of Moria, and feeling a sense of joy come over me as Frodo finally dropped the ring into Mt. Doom (Wow, a spoiler alert would have been nice). The Harry Potter series particularly overtook me, as I could relate to the character in many ways. When I read the first book in 6th grade, Harry and I were the same age. I was awkward, nerdy and was bullied a little bit at school, and Harry wen through the exact same things! I faithfully read the books until the climactic battle in the Deathly Hollows, and Harry and I grew up together. Isn't it amazing how we can feel camaraderie and affection for characters and people that don't even exist?

Somewhere along the way, my reading consumption slowed down. I bought a Playstation 2 at the end of 8th grade with graduation money I received, and books became a lower priority. That same year, my parents finally caved and got cable for the house after I had been without it for 14 years. I was glued to the T.V for hours at a time. My sophomore year of high school, high speed internet was installed in the home, and books had taken a virtual backseat. I read a book here or there, but didn't have the fervor I once had for it as a kid. I was sucked in to the technological wonders of the early 21st century, and it was going to be difficult to bring me back.

Me browsing YTMND circa 2005.

In college, I rarely read for fun. I read all my textbooks, and reading for pleasure was the last thing I wanted to do. Still, here or there, I read a book now and then. On summer breaks I would try to read more, and would always think "I need to make a habit of this". One of my fondest memories of the past couple years was when I read "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac during a student trip to Morocco. I read it on the plane ride over, on trains through chapparal landscapes, and in hotels located in maze like cities. The book really inspired me to travel as much as possible in life, and it definitely played a major part in my decision to take a road trip to California from Missouri this past summer with my brother. I know that every hipster person you know says it's one of their favorite books and it's referred to endlessly by English majors, but it really is worth a read if you haven't read it already. It will change the way you think about things-at least it did for me.

This past year, I made a committment to make a regular habit out of reading. I had been playing videogames, surfing Reddit for hours at a time, and watching countless hours of anime. All of these things are enjoyable, but I felt like I was missing a certain richness in my life. I missed spending hours with a cracked book on my knee and creating worlds in my head as my brain tried to put images to words.

That's what really got me back into books- I thought about how much more interactive it is to read a book than to watch a movie or play a videogame. When you read a story, it become very personal. You're conceptualizing scenery, the way characters look and the inner workings of how things tick! The author can go to as much detail as he prefers in describing what a character or building may look like, but in the end you'll get a vastly different picture of what Aragorn looked like compared to someone else who read the book. Your mind is constantly in action-it's a completely interactive experience that just isn't found in any other type of medium.

I also began to think about how important books are. I'm currently watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos series, and on the second episode he spends a lengthy amount of time talking about the astrological knowledge that was housed in the Library of Alexandria in ancient times. For those unfamiliar with the tragedy of the Alexandrian library, it was burned to the ground during some war or another, and thousands of scrolls were destroyed. The library's goal was to become a source for all the known information in the world at that time. Scholars speculate that there were accounts of history and insights into the past that mankind will never know due to the library's terrible destruction.Sagan goes on to discuss that there were scrolls in the library that accurately described how the planets move, but even those were lost. It took scientists hundreds and hundreds of years to figure it out again.

This was powerful for me to see. Books are the written account of all of man's knowledge-they are necessary. Millions of ideas, facts and processes are written down on them. Just think if all of that knowledge were lost again. Because of this, I have made it a priority to read as much as I can on philosophy, religion and science so that I can exercise my right to learn about these ideas. We're not living in an age where tyrants regularly set fire to libraries (at least in the Western world), and with the digitizing of information , it is unlikely that we'll ever fully lose anything again. But still, I think it's important that we exercise our right to read about ideas that have rocked nations and changed history.

So I've begun voraciously reading again. I'm curently reading through the "A Song of Ice and Fire" saga, and have been enjoying great apologetics books from the likes of Paul Copan and William Lane Craig. I have a book about traditional Japanese monsters I'm reading in between books, and I received about 5 more books for Christmas that I eagerly look forward to tearing into.

I can't describe the feeling of reading a truly excellent book- when you read, you're bettering yourself. Every book you read, no matter how vapid, exposes you to new ideas, themes and perspective that you otherwise might never have considered. They mature you and challenge you, and they make you wish to embark on a lifelong quest for knowledge. It's a terrifying and wonderful thought to know that I'll never know every piece of knowledge the world has- but I can sure try!

Have a wonderful New Years everybody, and if I might ask, what are some books that have really challenged you over the years?

Aging and Death: A Late Night's Conversation!

ARTSY!

I'm going to dive into some material that goes out of the norm for this blog. I'm going to talk about the concepts of aging and death. How morbid, how cliche, how depressing- but I've been thinking about them a lot lately. That doesn't mean that I have been sad or re-living the cultural rennaisance that was the Emo scene of the early to mid 200's- I've just been thinking about them conceptually.

Many people older than me have told me that I should be happy I have all the energy I have now, because when I get older, it's just not there. Whenever people tell me this, I always think "Whatever, it will always be there!" I can't think of feeling any different than I do now. One thing that a great friend and mentor of the mine over the years said to me once that really stuck out was "I'm 56 years old. But the truth is, I don't really feel any different than I did when I was your age".

The concept of feeling different, of being essentially a different person as you mature has always been an idea that's fascinated me, even as a child. We change as we get older, even if we don't feel it. This was evidenced recently in my own life by cold, hard data.

The other night I decided on going through the dangerous and cringe inducing endeavor of downloading all my Facebook data and reading through every status I have ever posted. The guy I was in 2006 turned out to be a very different person than the guy I am today. I was a loud-mouthed, crude, attention starved idiot- exactly the type of person I actively avoid if I can help it.

An artist's rendition of my friends and I in 2006.

Now, I like to think that I'm more tactful, I'm more intelligent, and I'm a lot more mature. Those that know me will likely tell me that I'm the same old jerk that you've grown up with your whole life. But the thing is, I've changed.

Change in real life isn't like the movies- I don't just come to a huge epiphany one day and decide to do things differently. Rather, change in human lives seems to be the result of tiny events, experiences, thoughts and ideas that gradually collect on you like dust. Those that use the internet heavily are very familiar with a process called torrenting. In torrenting, you download a file, but rather than download the file in one chunk, you're downloading thousands and thousands of tiny pieces of the file from hundreds of people that have some or all of the file already downloaded. These pieces eventually assemble into a whole, complete file. This is what maturing and changing seems to be like in human life- except the "file" doesn't actually complete until your death.

Much of my reflection on aging and health is a result of my new job at the hospital. At the hospital, I help people that don't have health insurance apply for state assistance, or help them get help from the hospital's charity fund. Many of the patients I see have page-long problem lists- it's very common for me to see a patient with emphyzema, diabetes, arthritis, depression and hypertension. Some of these patient's health problems are due to life choices they've made, such as inactiveness and years of smoking, and some of it is because of aging.

Your body is on a very common journey of slowly breaking down. As you age, your body parts start to not produce as much bile, process lactose as well or break down chemicals as easily. If you have health insurance, this may require you to visit the doctor on a regular basis to do maintenance on these body parts. Eventually, the body parts just fail all together, and you die.

The idea of my own health eventually failing is very scary to me. I know many people that always get sick. They always have a cold, or a cough or some weird stomach problem that prohibits them from hanging out with me.  God and nature have blessed me with the disposition of rarely getting ill. I get sick about once every couple of years, and when I do, it's a week of bed-ridden disgustingness. I think my body goes for a while without installing essential updates, and has to get sick to figure out what all the new threats are in the world and build immunities to them. Is that how biology works?

"No, it's not."

 Right now, I have the energy to stay awake until 4 a.m., get up at 8, work a full day at work, cook dinner and work out. In a few short years, I may not "be up for it" anymore. I may get winded easier from tasks that were once simple, or have to split a 12 hour marathon drive to visit my in laws into two days because I "just can't handle the drive like I could in my twenties". I hope I never have to suffer this fate!

The simple fact is that your body just can't do the things it used to do as it marches through time. You're a battery slowly wearing down it's charge. I think it's better to process these ideas and think about them when you're young than to have them pop up on you when you get older.

I see this happen often to older people, specifically in my grandparent's generation that went through the Great Depression. I remember reading in one of my Human Diversity classes in college that adults from this generation place huge amounts of stock in hard work, perseverance and self-reliance due to the extremely difficult times they had to go through. They work hard, and live to work.

My father told me that his father and grandfather didn't really think of the concepts of work and leisure to be separate from one another. You live to work- all your socializing was done there, and you were your job. You worked to provide for your family, but you also worked because it's kinda just what there was to do. From my observations, my generation seems to view work as a curse- it's something you do to provide the means to enjoy your life and support the hobbies you enjoy. I agree 100% with the latter idea-I despise the idea of living just to work, but elderly people aren't in agreement with me.

How I picture every job in the 30's and 40's.

One of the saddest things for me to think about is old people that once lived hard working, intense lives get to the point where they simply can't do the activities that made up the rhythm of their days. Their thinking isn't as clear, their hands aren't as fast and the muscle memory and motor reflexes they had as young adults in their prime is delayed. I think where this generation also runs into problems is that they don't really talk about how they feel- there's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on, and they tell themselves that they can still do all the things they used to do- they're not old, dammit! Eventually, come it hard or soft, they make the realization that there are some things they physically and mentally are unable to do anymore. It's a tragedy- a very common, common tragedy that if we all survive long enough will have to deal with one day.

And then there's death. The thing about death is that there's no way of knowing what death feels like. We can try to gather facts and reports and biological data, but we'll never know what it feels like to die until it actually happens. For my fellow Christians, presumably we'll go up to heaven when our light flickers out. But who knows the process of how this works+? Where does our consciousness go? Does dying hurt, or is it painless?

When I think of myself dying, it goes a little something like this. I'm in a bed, and my kids and family members are around me. I'm wrinkled and wearing one of those tractor hats that old guys always have on, even though I'm in bed. My eyes close, and when I open them I'm in this vast spanse of muted white, and then I'm pulled into a vortex. I'm also wearing one of those old night gowns for the Lord knows what reason. Then, I find myself in a waiting room similar to a doctor's office. I sit in a chair in there for about two hours, and then the lady at the receptionist desk tells me that I can go into Heaven now. I walk past the stereotypical pearly gates in the clouds. Studies into the brain cells of dying individuals have shown that this is actually what happens when a person passes away.

Many people that die seem to die because their health fails- they get cancer or have a stroke or heart attack, or get in a car accident and don't pull through. Put what about those lucky enough not to deal with all this stuff? I always have found it strange to think about people who just die in their sleep. Their body is just done existing, and shuts off. I'm sure there's actually a medical term for this, and science has a lot of ways to explain when people die like this. But just let me get off on my pretentious existential kick here for a bit, will you?

Death and aging are the most common things in the world, but humanity hates thinking about them. Perhaps it's because the realm of death is still completely unknown, despite all the depictions of it in the arts, religion, and attempts to understand it through science. It's terrifying to think that you'll stop existing one day. From time to time though, I think it's good to stop and reflect on it. It's a sobering thought.

One of the most oft repeated and abused poems in heavy handed and ultimately irritating crap like I'm writing now is a little piece called "Ozymandias" by Percy Bysshe Shelley. Here it is:

"I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

A guy that got way too into the above poem. 

Think about all the great countries, people and empires that you've ever heard of. They're run by people, people who may think they're effectively immortal. But everyone, from the Caesar of Rome to the owner of the Houston Astros to that guy that's at White Castle every time you walk in there, will one day be gone, and there is literally nothing they can do to stop it.

The ideas in the "essay" i just wrote are ones that have been repeated ad infitum, but think of them as the opening of a conversation. Perhaps the start of a conversation with yourself, or a conversation with other people. Like I said, these thoughts have been swimming around in my head for weeks, and I wanted to get them all out for the world to see. Let me know your thoughts!

tl;dr: You get old and die eventually.

The Muppets and Growing Up.

Last week, I had the wonderful experience of seeing the new Muppets movie. I've loved Muppets my whole life, and I knew that I would inevitably be seeing the new addition to the franchise. I knew that I would enjoy it- c'mon, it's Muppets, but I didn't expect to outright love it as much as I did. It was pure joy- I smiled and laughed heartily throughout the whole film. I can't remember the last time a movie invoked those kinds of emotions in me. I walked out of the theater feeling less stressed, relaxed, and completely and overwhelmingly happy! How could I not be, after hearing a song like this?:



When I got out of the movie, I thought about some of the messages and themes the movie conveyed. Yes, I know that it may sound a little ridiculous of me to be analyzing a film that features a character that communicates by going "ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!", but the Muppets have always had heart to them. If you actually go read about Jim Henson, you'll find that he really tried to create things that communicated deeper, universal messages for kids and adults. Now, the Muppets have always been first and foremost about making people laugh (it's the third greatest gift in the world, after all) but if you look, you can see a lot of depth to the little felt creatures. After all, these are the guys that gave us such songs as "Rainbow Connection":



If you actually took the time to watch the video, you can see that the intent of this song isn't to make you laugh. In fact, the song even won an Oscar when it first came out. It's a song that talks about love, hopes, dreams- the whole human experience-and it's communicated by a ridiculous looking frog.

So, hopefully we've established now that the Muppets obviously have some depth to them. The new movie really had some plot points and themes that really hit home for me. One of the central plot points of the movie is that all of The Muppets have split up and no longer perform together. The world has forgotten them-they've become relics of an older, simpler time, and they're no longer relevant to today's harder, cynical world (there's even a great line that pokes fun at this). As I watched the plot unfold, I obviously cracked up the whole way through, but I also thought about many of the things I loved as a child that I've "grown out of" or am supposed to have grown out of by now.

If you know me, you know I am an extremely nostalgic person and really love reminiscing about my childhood and the great things I occupied myself with back then. This unfortunately makes me a bit of a pack-rat at times-I hate the idea of throwing out old toys or stuffed animals and things that I use often. Stuff like The Velveteen Rabbit, Toy Story and The Brave Little Toaster really made me sad, and I've never grown out of feeling sorry for my inanimate objects I no longer have use for. I rarely play my old Playstation 2, but I can remember all the great times I had playing it by myself and with my friends, and because of this I will never throw it out. I don't want to picture it alone and broken in a landfill next to dirty diapers and old tires-it's heartbreaking!

The new Muppets movie brought back this sad, sorry feeling for my past again. I thought back to watching The Muppet Christmas Carol as a kid and loving it, watching Sesame Street for hours, Muppet Babies, and other wonderful Jim Henson/Frank Oz involved productions that made the late 80's and 90's so great. The Muppets have always been about breaking the fourth wall and making comments about the nature of the very film or television show they're inhabiting, and there are many parts in the film where they talk about people "forgetting" them and leaving them behind.

It had to be the intention of the filmmakers to convey the message that the Muppets had grown older with the audience. Yes, the film is supposed to be for children, but almost everyone in the theater was my age or a little older. It struck me that most children these days probably have no idea who the Muppets are, and that struck me as very sad. The Muppets were a household name when I was a kid, and everyone knew who they were. Living in a world without The Muppets seems very sad to me, and the movie's plot of reconciling the whole gang back together for one big show seemed to me an attempt to communicate to the audience that The Muppets are still relevant and can be just as great as they used to be.

Even though the film ends happily, I was a little sad. Sometimes the fact that my childhood is officially over is a terrifying thought to me. The adult world is a serious thing filled with schedules, money, car problems,work, and making plans to hang out with someone two weeks in advance. There are times when I wish I could get back to the spontaneity and carefree abandon of childhood. Luckily, my wife and I love being spontaneous and just doing whatever, so this offsets much of the harshness of getting older. But still, things are never the same as they are when you're a kid.

Another movie that came out recently that was technically for kids but seemed to be aimed at adults was Toy Story 3. It had similar messages of the toys growing older and being "forgotten", and again matured with the audience. If you're feeling particularly bored, you can go dig on this blog for my write-up of that movie when it came out.

These types of stories make me sad and happy at the same time. The process of "growing up" is one wrought with confusion, questions and weird feelings that you can't quite place. It's great to see work that acknowledges these thoughts and place them in the context of beloved franchises that we all grew up with as children, and The Muppets does a masterful job of this.

Changing the focus of this blog.

I think it's time I change the focus of this blog. Don't worry, I'll still be writing reviews of movies, video games, and books when they suit me, but there's a lot more I want to write about.

Now don't thing that this blog will become my personal journey. You'll not have to hear about how I'm frustrated with my job or feeling down- I made that mistake for many years as a teenager on my Xanga blog, which I pray remains buried and no one ever unearths. 

I want to write about ideas and thoughts, as well as media. Mainly, I just want to write. I've been thinking a lot lately that I consume a TON of great material, but I don't really create much of it anymore. People may deride critics as being people that can't create material themselves, but they're still creating. They're intelligently analyzing a subject and weighing it's merits, as well as comparing the subject to other subjects. They see media in ways that the average person usually doesn't, and that definitely takes talent. So even if this blog just becomes a critique on films, books, ideas-whatever- I just want those ideas to be unique.

I intend to update this blog about once a week. I have a new job now where I'll be getting in at noon and getting out at 8:30 at night, so I'll have a lot of free time at night. I'd rather not spend that free time sitting in front of my Xbox playing Skyrim for 5 straight hours (though that happens easily, I'll tell ya). I want to spend that time doing something creative and constructive, even if it's just writing this blog. When I was in college, I hated starting papers-I got a queasy, dreading, disgusted feeling in my stomach when I knew I had to start one. When I sat down and actually started writing though, I felt great. I loved sorting through ideas in my head and creating something professional and articulate. Being out of school for almost two years has not forced me to consistently write, and I find that sad.

So look forward to fresh new writing. Personally, I don't care if anyone ever reads this blog. I just want to establish a volume of writing that is genuinely my own, and even if it never get's recognized, at least I can say that I created, and not merely consumed.